OMG how many times in my life have I felt as though I’m living on borrowed time. Waking with urgency each day wanting to accomplish this ‘thing’. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew it could only come from me, through me.
At other times in my life I felt as though I was in a fog, not able to see much in front or behind me. As someone who’s creativity is guided by what she sees this was a very dark time. Spending even a moment alone with myself was torture, as the light seemed to be off inside as well.
Psychotic times where a battle ensued between the ‘Urgent’ me, and the ‘Dark’ me. Fake it till you make it. This can’t be all there is. The book says you are unique and special just as you are. Really, I’m not feeling it. I could go on. Go out there and smile. Truth be told, it was never difficult smiling when I went out into the world, just the connection with others and the magic of a smile given or received came naturally. Playing all the different roles, sales person, designer, coach, woman, wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister, networker and student. Where am ‘I’ in all that?
This is how life was until I discovered the blessing of slowing down. Not in activity but in getting to know ‘who’ I was. Meeting myself honestly for the first time was a really scary exercise. I discovered that there was an enormous dose of judgment hanging around my neck. I realised that it was in the moments of self-judging that the fog appeared.
This was one of the very first clues that led me to invest in a life of personal development, from exploring the scientific to the spiritual, the visible to the invisible, man-made to the unexplained.
The fog, the depression whatever you call it can destroy so much. This fog is a time thief; it’s like the black evil spirits that come to suck all the life from your soul.
It doesn’t have to be this way. If you are up for it, regardless of the depth of the fog, all you need to do is begin looking for the light. It would be a crime not to give yourself the opportunity of a fulfilled life.
In some way or form we are all on borrowed time, but there is no rush, focus on today, make it the best day you can, because today will look after tomorrow.
Life is a journey enjoy the ride, you are enough just as you are, all judgment aside. Quite that little voice of doubt, follow a dream and build something meaningful. Success is in the smallest of wins and the greatest personal commitments one step at a time.
What will your Golden moment be?